I know a lot of folks who have had two divorces. I have had a least a dozen breakups in one decade.
So, Why do we keep breaking up?
What We Don’t Know About Breakup Will End Us.
If you have gone through a breakup in the last decade this is what is actually happening.
Prelude to a Breakup:
- Load App on phone.
We hear fairy tails of people being best friends first and then it turning into a relationship that produced two kids, a happy marriage, and a great pension plan. We have heard about that friend who met her boyfriend on Tinder and they are doing good. We have plunged ourselves into some form of self-betterment like working out, meditation, or doing yoga. We have said, “I have patterns that I’m going to break.” Nonetheless, we keep breaking up and getting back online to mend what’s broken.
Watching other people be “successful” online compels us to do what they are doing. The mob is meeting via artificial intelligence. So, let’s talk about “meeting someone online”.
What is a dating profile?
It’s a picture of a past moment that we judge with one glance. That’s what most dating apps have trained us to do. And it’s not wrong. However, what you are seeing in a person the you attracted to is yourself. That is to say, the parts of our conscious we feel disconnected from we project onto an image and hope that that other person will fill in the blanks.
So, in some way, swiping is reinforcing narcissism. Philosophy aside, desire drives us to consume. That what a date with someone is, it’s a consumption of information mixed together with projection.
If no one has said it to you in a while, “Intimacy takes time.” We often confuse the rush of terror that comes with meeting ourselves in a new person with falling in love. Intimacy is peaceful. Dating however is anxiety provoking because most of us go into it thinking about “forever.”
- “Will this guy be the one?”
- “Will she be the mother of my kids?”
So, bla bal bal, we meet, we share some information, and then we get naked and fuck each other. All the feel-good chemicals rush in. The love songs start making some sense. And attachment kicks in. We get used to having a particular person in our life, call it magic, and start to adjust our choices around the relationship.
It’s a program. I’m just going to say that. The way we get into our relationships is a program. The only way out of that program is intimacy. But, again, 96.8% of us are just going along to get along. So, inevitably we “breakup” and trade one person for another.
The Breakup Cycle
Breakups happen at the beginning of the relationship not the end of them. We talk about “red flags” and shit like that to describe what might ruin a relationship. The fact is that our parents programmed us to be a certain way in the world by handing down their limitations to us. The function of being a parent is to program your child. You know what, you aren’t going to understand why you do what you do. You won’t, so talking about your childhood or whatever stupid story you are telling yourself doesn’t help unless it changes your behaviors. Nothing can be figured out by talking about it.
You have to live, fuck up, forgive and keep going until your body gives out. But, you know why we go round and round about our stories? It’s because we think that doing that gives us some control over how they will unfold. Somethings have already been decided in the great mystery of existence.
You don’t get to choose the duration of a relationship. Stop thinking that you can be a person that engenders people staying in your life “forever.” That is stupid. Each relationship has a time-period built into it. In fact, the relationships that last the longest are also filled with a lot of space. A deep bond has a pulse to it. It’s not always together. It’s not always falling apart. It’s both.
I’m annoyed and I’m mad at you for reading this article because what you need to be doing is talking to a professional that can help you communicate who you are. “I can’t afford it.” Well what are you doing with your time? Spending hours reading articles online about twin flames, mental health, red flags, or getting your ex back is just mental masturbation.
And I’ve done it. It doesn’t get us anywhere. The only thing that moves us forward is relationships with healthy people that hold space for us to show up unafraid. But, let’s be real, most of us are running in fear after a breakup. Truthfully, we were fearful the from the beginning to the end of the relationship and all the time in between.
And a lot of us cope with breaking up by doing the same shit:
- Leave the relationship emotionally while we are still physically in it and going through the motions.
- Talk to our friends about how bad our partner is but still have sex with them.
- The sex starts to shift and doesn’t feel as connected.
- Reading articles on how to save the relationship.
- Reading lists on what a good partnership looks like.
- Some version of “This isn’t working.”
- Then we breakup. We lust after our ex. We go back and forth. Or we numb out.
And we don’t ever fucking stop to heal.
Now I’m really mad at you for reading this article looking for answers. Honey, nothing you read is going to get you what you want. Sorry.
Do you know what it’s going to take? It’s going to take a relationship with a counselor, spiritual guide, or teacher that will direct you back to yourself. The same person who hurt you won’t heal you. It takes someone new–that new person is you. And to get to that fully expressed person vibrating at the rate of Love, facing yourself is required.
It’s not until we master our emotions that we will be able to have a truly loving relationship; with or without a partner in the picture.
But, that’s not where the story ends. Yes, loving ourselves is important. But, we don’t love ourselves by ourselves. It takes relationships to guide us and aid us in being expressed. So, here’s the deal pumpkin, If you are reading this it’s because you are afraid.
Being afraid is not way to live life, to date, to get in a relationship, to breakup, or to exist.
There is a better way to never breakup again.
Have faith in the process. Give yourself credit for progress. Get help.
Book Your Free Consultation with Me now.