The Truth About “Meant to Be”
Every single person has a soul mate and is a soul mate. There are several other fancy terms that encapsulate all the romantic notions humans perpetuate about love. Some are searching for “The One.” Others are holding out for their Twin Flame. And some people do meet their counterpart while others don’t.
So how do you know if what is occurring in your life is actually what is meant to be?
Simple answer, because it is. But, nothing about relationships is simple.
In fact, it takes a lifetime to get to know someone; that someone being yourself. It is the most steady and constant, albeit frustrating, relationship you will have. I know it is trite to say that and healthy relationships are predicated on high self-esteem—getting to know yourself.
Self-esteem is like Texas Tea; oil that is. It fuels a whole bunch of things, keeps things flowing and well, well oiled. Self-esteem is the voice that says to a lover who is not on the same page as you, “I understand we want different things and I am not going to give up my values to be with you.” Self-esteem can carry you through the valley of the shadow of death. Evil will fear you! And self-esteem is at the core of meant to be.
When self-esteem is in low supply a whole slew of dysfunctional behaviors act as understudies. They barely know the role and fake their way through the really important parts. The plot line comes right out of codependency and addiction.
Self-esteem says, “I am valuable and worth loving in a way that feels good and is honoring to everyone involved.” Its understudies say, “People and the world need to change to make me feel better and if they don’t there is something wrong that I will devote all my time trying to fix even if that means lying to myself and others.”
It is convenient to lie because it dispels the discomfort of not knowing. In other words, there are no certainties in life. Self-esteem gets this. Nothing lasts forever; even telling the truth. What was true for you at twenty, “I’m not ready to have children” may be a total lie at thirty.
Lies go on about forever. “It will always be this way.” That is the great illusion of romance, “Happily ever after and so on.”
Essentially, when you love someone and they don’t love you back; they could be your soul mate. Soul mates don’t always take the form of partners. Sometimes they are teachers—the most ruthless and brutal kinds. True soul mates sharpen our edges and dull our senses.
They can make us better people or lull us into a stupor that takes true loves kiss to wake from.
If a soul mate has drifted into your life, they are meant to be there and when they arrive will shape the role they play. If a soul mate shows up at a time when you are receptive to being in a committed relationship they may not feel the same. It is not because they are malice or cruel. It is because they are acting as a strong force in your life for self-examination.
Next to our parents our soul mates contribute the most to our lives. They can even help us repair all the damage parents do (there is no escaping it.)
And when things are charged up and alive between two people, it is natural to get attached. It is natural to fantasize about forever. It is natural to set goals and expect certain outcomes.
And things don’t always go according to plan. In fact, having the bottom drop out and then picking yourself back up again is what builds self-esteem. Being coddled creates the Peter Pans and Pinocchios of the dating world. Self-esteem transforms us into real boys and girls who know that you cannot change others.
You must simply let them be who they are. If this is done then who they are freely and willingly will choose to be with you or to not. There is no coercion or manipulation involved. Meant to be is the result of allowing things to be as they are.
It is the continued application of compassion and acceptance. It is the giving and receiving of freedom.
I’ve been in love with someone who has yet to develop the life skills needed to sustain a committed relationship and while his company was soothing in the moment it did little to provide me true security. In fact, for a while I tried to show him how amazing I was by giving and giving. This didn’t work because he, of course, could feel my desire for commitment under my giving. There were strings attached. So, rather than be false in my giving, I made a request for what I needed and set him free.
In this way, if he returns to my life it will be meant to be because choice not manipulation, truth not fear motivates both of our beings.
Say what you mean and it will give meaning to your being.
Simply, do not fret about outcomes that don’t match your desires. Your desires are being refined by such outcomes. And when you do get what you want it is because the timing is right, you are alive and full of choice, and all parties involved feel the same way.
The truth will set you free and it will determine your meant to be.