The 5 Questions We Ask when Deciding to Break Up or Stay Together.

If you want real answers, just hire me. But in the mean time, for those of you without an extra 10K for life changing guidance, I hope this article helps.

The 5 Questions:

  1. Is my boyfriend a narcissist?
  2. How to I overcome conflict in my relationship?
  3. What are signs of abusive behavior?
  4. How do I save my relationship?
  5. What are signs that I’m in a good relationship?

This isn’t an easy article to write because there is no one “right” answer to those questions that is specific to your situation. However, if you are reading this it’s because you are in that really shitty place where you don’t know if you should try harder or cut your losses. I’ve done my best to summarize answers that will move you forward. Chances are that you are attached to the person who is inspiring this type of Sherlock Holmes gathering of information. Your mind is like, “If only I can get to the bottom of this then life will be bliss.”

How do I know all this? Because I’ve lived it multiple-times over.

I’m not only and amazing counselor/witch/healer, I’ve also been in the dating pool enough to know to learn how to swim.

The 5 Questions We Ask when Deciding to Break Up or Stay Together.

Chances are if you are asking this question, Is my boyfriend a narcissist? it’s because you want to blame all your shit on your partner. Is it okay for a man to be abusive self-centered dick? FUCK NO IT IS NOT!

However, why are you dating someone that has you asking the question, Is my boyfriend a narcissist? What half-baked pop-psychology shit have you been rifling through to circumvent the very real fact that your choices create your life.

If he is a narcissist, that means you can’t change him. If he isn’t, you still can’t change him. And if you stay with him, then you get to be just as fucked up as he is. So, start with the wo/man in the mirror.

You could try to be the “better person” and look at if from a spiritual lens.

It sounds like this:

“Well my boyfriend may be acting like a narcissist but that doesn’t mean that is who he is.” Great, you separated the behavior from the identity. But, dating someone who only thinks of themself all the time feels like shit. I mean, some of us submissive types go along to get along. But if you think for yourself at all, there is a good chance being with a “Narcy” isn’t a good match for your overall well-being.

Sucks for you that you got addicted to them though, which brings me to the next question:

How do I overcome conflict in my relationship?

“Well everyone has fights.” That’s true. But, if you are focusing on that chances are little attention is being paid on how cooperative your partner is. If you are thinking, “They reject me most of the time” then get out of that martyr situation. I mean, burn off your Karma, and then a better situation will show up.

But, if a better situation seems far away, we can get stuck trying to fix the shit we are in.

If you are asking, What are the signs of abusive behavior? then you have experienced abusive behavior. People don’t ask this question unless some shit has gone down. 

When people fight, many of us seek to destroy the other person by undermining their character, points of view, and sometimes we physically harm the other person. This is not how healthy people fight. Healthy people say things like, “I’m so angry right now I could scream my head off but instead I’m going to walk away and come back when I’m calm.”

The reality is “blowing it out” might feel good in the moment but it locks both people in an addictive cycle resulting in a dysfunctional relationship.

Please click this: Signs of Abuse

So if you got to the question, How do I save my relationship? after having gone through the thread of finding a diagnosis, learning about conflict resolution, looking over signs of abuse, you are not going to save a healthy relationship. You are just trying to find out how to put out a tire fire with your body.

However, if you began the search for answers with How do I save my relationship? there are a few factors to look at. The first one is, Why? According to John Gottman 68% of couples have the same recurring fight for the duration of their relationship. So, the quick and dirty answer to preservation of what you’ve got is to pick your battles and forgive quickly.

This then brings us to the award winning question, What are the signs I’m in a good relationship?

  1. Cooperation: The ability to turn differences into relational strengths.
  2. Contribution: Self reflecting so that you give the best of you to the relationship.
  3. Communication: Tell the truth every time.
  4. Consideration: There is more than just me involved in my decisions.
  5. Christ: Have a spiritual foundation to turn to in times of trials and celebrations.

A lot of people will tell you that it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I disagree. Being single is a bad relationship if you keep attracting bad relationships. Being single is a critical time to examine your inner critic and see how kind you are to yourself. However, that will get you only so far, so we need bad relationships as tools of refinement. The really hurtful abusive relationships that echo shit childhoods can fuck right off though. Those are ecosystems of destruction and death; that require more than a life-coach to repair. Eh-hem. 

In short, this life is a journey and no one is going to care about your legacy 100 years from now. You have to care about your time more than anyone else. To make the most of it I suggest reading Breakup Rehab and learning the skills that produce happiness, prosperity, and good feeling relationships. Help is here as well. I offer integrative sessions that combine psychology with psychic insights so that you can get to where you are going faster. Book a session now.

And thanks for reading. I hope this helped.