“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet


Getting what you want by being yourself is metaphysical and takes more than self-help to do it. 

Sometimes we let talking about things be the action we take on realizing our dreams. How many of us want more money, a good relationship, or amazing health? We go all “Self-help” about it: ask questions, sign up for programs, buy exercise equipment, read more books, and yet keep repeating the same behavior year after year.

If you read that last sentence and started to feel bad, welcome to self-help shaming. The following questions are examples of pressing pain points that keep us seeking for answers outside of ourselves: 

  • Are you stuck?
  • Do you want a 6 figure business?
  • How do you get your ex back?
  • Are you dating a narcissist?

The answers are yes, yes, yes, and yes…but I can’t, shouldn’t, and I don’t know how.  Then we feel like shit for feeling something about how life is being reflected back to us. It’s self-help hell. 

Pause and reflect on that.

How do we get out of self-help hell?

Access a better feeling. This means your intentions and priorities are in harmony with who you are. The greatest expression of yourself comes by being responsible for who you are. A lot of don’t know how to access who we are so we just talk about what we want instead.

Having something means being responsible for the thing you have. However, the anticipation of having something can register as pleasure in the body. That means that having a relationship that works takes work. Talking about having a healthy relationship feels good in theory.

Theory is different than practice. We are entering choppy waters because the idea of being ourselves and actually being Self requires facing ourselves. 

Getting married and taking vows means facing our self-imposed limitations and fears. Getting something means losing something else. 

So, where does the realizing of our desires happen? How does that $50,000, healthy relationship, happy family, and strong body show up?

What clues are we given that point us in the direction of our purpose?

Feeling like a piece of shit because you are not rich like everyone else is a clue. Getting mad at all the couples showing public displays of affection is a clue. Feeling desperate to lose weight, live somewhere else, or have better sex is a clue. In short, resistance is a clue.

The thing we are not willing to look at has everything we want inside of it. Pain is not actually painful. It’s resisting pain that causes stagnation in our lives because we often choose distraction to cope with it.

In relationships it sounds like, “If he would just change then I could feel better and we would be happy.” Guess who isn’t willing to change or face themselves in this situation? You.

Pain is a message that what you want is here and waiting to be developed through relationships.

Guess how we deal with not getting what we want? We keep looking outside of ourselves to get it. We blame the relationships in our life for not performing as they “should”. Then we look at how everyone else is “doing it”. We return to mimicry as a default apparatus all the while feeling lost inside of our lives.

Talking about it, collecting information on it, and all this motion covers up the deep empty feeling that we may never be enough. So, we acquire more, get more ambitious, and spend our lives running away from ourselves.

We plug into a path and go through the motions. Then we witness how other people are “doing” on their path and start to feel envy. “Why is that asshole a millionaire?” “Why does some whore have so many followers on Instagram and I have my PhD and can’t get my business off the ground?” “Why me?” “Why not me?” “What mindset coach do I need to hire?”

The path to what you want is the same path that reveals who you are to yourself.

What does that mean? It means the path to who we are isn’t linear. It is a spiral. Another way of saying this is, “As above, so below.” “As within, so without.” In simple terms, you are not valuable unless you assume you are. Results are reflected in our relationships and results are revealed in the demonstration of faith.

I act as I am. Who I am magnetizes what I want to me. That’s faith.

This can be confusing.

So, let me say it plainly. I asked for $50,000 to show up right away. I’ve asked for that for the last 5 years. What I didn’t do was feel good about having that money. I didn’t want that kind of responsibility. 50K was met with the feeling of being exposed. Somehow, having a lot of money meant I couldn’t hide behind my habits. I would have to change some core part of me. So, I doubled down on doing the same thing–looking outside of myself for the answers.

That is where this article is coming from–I felt shame about having money so it was easier to talk about it. So, welcome to the moment of revelation.

I felt shame about everything I’ve ever had in my life which meant I was looking to be rescued from life by money, a man, or sex. The change happened when I took responsibility for what I have. I am a creative force of nature and a child of god like everyone else. So, I am god in form. That means I am responsible to realize what I already have–the ability to create my life rather than be rescued from my life.

How did the shift happen? Intelligent conversation with people anchored in love. It wasn’t done through self-help.

Self-help is meant to make you feel bad about yourself and keep you seeking for your value. It’s a treadmill.

The moment you have something means that you lose something. Having a shit ton of money also means your time will be traded in service to the inspiration. There are spiritual laws working through us and the only thing that blocks us is getting in our own way.

If you ask for something you are saying, “I’ve taken responsibility to receive and nurture my desire into experience.” Let this be the foundation of your understanding:

You don’t get what you want, you get who you are. We face ourselves in every relationship we have. 

The only way to get to who you are is to have relationships. The way to getting what you want is knowing who you are. So, relationships are the path to getting what you want because they teach you who you are.

This means that we need mentors, spiritual teachers, and advocates in order to grow into our life in an intelligent way. The method to realization is conversations rooted in spiritual principles. And revelation comes when we arrive into the moment of seeing we are what we have been seeking. That’s love.

To experience deep levels of peace requires commitment to our own process. The process is what changes us. Not many of us understand this and again it takes being engaged in a conversation with someone who can offer real guidance to achieve levels of love, peace, and bliss that register as heaven on earth. Everything else is just talking about becoming someone.

Be it to have it.