It’s often ugly, frustrating, and devastating on the way to living our best life.
During the last decade, I’ve had to make some difficult decisions that were just mistakes in the making. Arriving to 39 and ½ years old with no Real Estate investment, no husband, a business few people know about, and a serious lack of connection sucks. It doesn’t just suck for me. It sucks because every new person I meet who I tell, “I’m a Breakup Specialist and a Medical Medium” says to me, “Where were you months ago when I needed your services?
Let me use this article to answer that question. I’ve been in gridlock. I’ve been in the Bardo between the life I think I’d like to live and the one I’m in. I feel two faced.
I’ll use my the last guy I dated as an example. He is brilliant at writing. He is a charismatic speaker. He is highly intelligent and motivating. He knows how to pattern words to create a powerful impact. And he was dangerous. The person he was able to present to the world helped so many people. He was clever, insightful, and provided a space for a person to reveal their true nature. He even presented as self-reflective. And all of those attributes often contributed to creating positive outcomes.
But, when shit really hit the fan between us, none of who he was to the world was expressed in how he dealt with our relationship. His very best when he was at his very worst was controlling, manipulative, demeaning, degrading, and cruel. We all have different sides to who we are. Some of them are more pathological than others. It is difficult to reconcile and for some of us, it’s impossible.
So the truth of my story is that I’ve been attempting to get my social image to match up with how I really am behind the scenes. At the moment of writing this article I had $7000 in credit card debt, I was living on one egg and piece of toast a day, but I kept up my $2.50 cent cup of exceptional coffee habit. I was so worried about money, I stopped working out. In fact, massive parts of my life went into paralysis. I tried to solve my money woes earlier in the year buy gathering a “team” of people that could help my business grow. But, what happened is that I hired a marketing company that was bad at communication and ended up having to quit the campaign before it could ever get off the ground, consequently making my money situation worse not better.
Where have I been?
I’ve been extremely mad at myself for spending the whole of my 30’s dating one bad man after the next. One boy after the next. One Cluster B Personality Disorder after the next. And one spiritual predator after the next.
In 2016 I had 5 different hookups with 5 different men that were all mentally ill. One had major substance abuse issues, one was cheating on his girlfriend with me (I found out after the fact), one was a sex addict, one was hooked on ayahuasca ceremonies, and the last one was a “flat-earth” idiot.
It’s now 2019 and I’m no better off. I stopped “hooking” up with randos but I got messed up by the last guy who wasn’t over his ex, kept her in the picture while telling me he loved me, and as things began to crumble showed some frightening narcissistic characteristics.
Every year of my 30’s has been marked with a major trial. I’ve been through multiple breakups, been fired twice, have moved 5 times, lived in a van for one month (on purpose), lost friends, went through major health scares, and almost ran out of money multiple times.
What’s wrong with her?
Trust me, I’ve asked myself the question you are thinking, “What’s wrong with this woman?” Doesn’t someone with a Masters in Counseling know better? Especially someone who has a business that is focused on helping people go through a breakup? There is plenty wrong with me when it comes to living the American Dream. Simply, I”m not living it.
I’ve gone a different route. I want to make something perfectly clear, the only thing that has pulled me from the depths of hell and out of this chaos has been my education and creative soul. So, I understand how my ex can be such an effective force for good in other people’s life but be totally destructive in his own. As the saying goes, “The cobbler’s kids have no shoes.”
Giving advice is easy. I don’t have to implement the advice or information I give to my clients. They have to run in through their own process of trial and error.
It takes a massive amount of energy, clear intention, and focus to run our own lives. And we all do it by looking to the fools around us for guidance. For instance, Tony Robbins is credited with changing millions of lives but just recently was accused of harassment and berating rape victims. Simply, no man is a Deity.
This beckons the question, “So, what is a good life? What is necessary to feel good about our lives? Why is life even worth living?
A Lot of people just give up.
Some kill themselves. Some turn to an addiction to numb the pain. Some are fame-whores. Some are life-coaches. We are trying to cope, innovate, do better, and rinse and repeat. We all want to live our best life.
I can’t count my failures or successes because I’m not at the end of my life. I’m in the middle of some twisted plot line that has involved the death of my parents, getting a Masters, having great sex with bad guys, blowing money, traveling like a gypsy, and feeling totally clueless.
We are not supposed to admit these things.
I’ll go one further. When my parents died and my grandma died I got a sum total of about 300K. I spent all of that money and didn’t invest one lick of it in Real Estate, stocks, or commodities. I didn’t focus on growing that money because I wanted to die. I figured I’d use it until the party was over and then I would be over. I wasn’t invested in life. In fact, looking back, I wanted to be an entertainer who was on tour 10 months out of the year. But, that seemed like even more of a long -shot than just being a Breakup Coach in a saturated market. So, I just keep doing more of the same thing–almost trying to get out of my comfort zone.
Some days trying to be a good person sounds like, “Well at least I’m not a drug mule.” And then I’m like, well, the person who is running drugs is at least making $2000 a drop and all the people addicted to crack are employing the people in the billion-dollar drug rehab industry. And that industry inspired the book I wrote. Then I fall down an existential rabbit hole of despair. My mind swirls with thoughts like:
I could care less about humanity because everyone sucks and no one is actually kind. People have kids who don’t want them. Dads leave. Even worse dads rape their sons, beat them, and bring them up to be dangerous men. Then I end up dating those wounded men. I think, “Being a good person is stupid.” Be selfish. No one is going to remember you anyway 50 years from now. A basic life will not be recorded in the halls of history.
After that sojourn into the darkness I reach for my self-development books. I listen to Abraham Hicks. I pull tarot cards. I attempt to learn how to be a digital marketer so that I can actually reach “my audience.” I’m one woman playing 100 different roles. But the really important roles of wife and mother aren’t something I’ve been cast for at this time.
So, where have I been?
I’ve been screaming into the void. I’ve been fighting the good fight–mostly against myself. I’ve been wrecked by lust and fantasy. I’ve been hiding out in a basement. I’ve been curating a bigger dream. I’ve been sick of hearing people tell me what to do to grow my business because I can’t tell the difference between the liars and the true teachers.
Being a counselor is something that I do to make a living and to live my life. And sometimes it feels like a lie. It feels like the qualifications it takes to directly influence someone else come with a Code of Ethics I won’t ever be able to live up to.
Part of me wants to put a marketing spin on this article with some sort of resurrection flair to it. I’m not going to do that. I just want you, dear reader, to know that you are not alone in this big, intimidating, and frantic world.
So to answer the question I get asked the most, “Where were you those times I needed you?” I’ll give you the answer that I hope you will tell yourself the next time you feel like you are failing, “I’ve been living.”
Can we tell the truth?
Screaming into the Abyss
What hope is there for humanity? We gather together at festivals, turn up the music loud, take pictures of everything, but get lost in the crowd. We eek out a days work, make that paper, only to ask ourselves, “Does this really matter?” Marriages fall apart into another’s arms and we all keep inventing a new normal. I don’t have an answer as a counselor. The best, and I mean the very best, I can do is listen.
A lot of us are going into the business of “encouragement”. The field of coaching is amorphous in it’s directive. People who live in studio apartments are giving business advice to high-level executives and peppering it with pop psychology. Other’s are pulling tarot cards, speaking to angels, and clearing energy blockages. Most are situationally relevant.
I personally live in a basement in home in Boulder, Colorado (cliche as that is). I spend my time reading books about the meaning of life and figuring out if the last guy I dated will be anything more than a lesson. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of being fucked over. Then layer some twisted spiritual idea of “We are the ones who always fuck ourselves over with the choices we make” to the feeling of being fucked over and it results in anxiety coupled with escapism.
In this space I dig deeper into topics like narcissism, emotional intelligence, and Toyota Tacoma trucks. I tend to numb out through intellectual pursuits. I’ve also been avoiding the gym. I get locked in this loop of “Well I need to be doing things to make me money and going to the gym will take away from that.” That’s stupid. If I’m not healthy and strong, then the things I do to make money won’t matter or even be possible.
The point I’m making dear reader, is that we are all making this up as we go along. I admire people who stay on the classic track of getting good grades, going to a Ivy league school, and choosing high-level professions like being a doctor, lawyer, or studio executive. Granted, we all have to work our way up the ranks. But, you know, some coaches don’t have to work up the ranks. We have created a culture of influencers. People who know how to dance with the algorithms, make shit go viral, and pump out something with a cultural hook don’t have to be vetted. We pay them with our attention.
I’m going to say that again. We have created industries out of other people telling us how to find our purpose, how to be happy, what to buy, and how to think. In some sense we can be divided into two factions: Leaders and followers. I’m going to let you in on the secret between the two–the quality of relationships we have. To be a leader, it requires having at a team of people who buy into your leadership. People who want to give their energy to your “cause” is what makes your cause valuable and attention worthy.
I’m sharing this so you think about how you are spending your energy. Don’t you want to be a part of a movement? Don’t’ you want to give your time to something that matters? I can’t think of a more potent movement than the TRUTH. The truth always heals. Truth sets us free. Truth provides us access to not only power but to the magnetic energy of love.
I’ve noticed a lot of people are freaked out by the truth. Shame shuts us up and guilt shuts us down. So, boys who were raped by a person of authority don’t report it. Rather, they cope by becoming narcissistic. Girls who were programmed to be property for men get stuck in apathy and often spend their life being used or being manipulative. The TRUTH cleans all of this up. The man who experienced perversion as a child can grow up and say, “I experienced incest but I now claim my body as my own.” He can feel his feelings which allows him to be a safe man rather than a defended narcissist that perpetuates violence on others. When truth is the cause, the girl who was trained to be property grows into the woman who gives voice to empowerment movements. We can partner with one another in a deeper and more meaningful way with truth between us.
So, this is what, dear reader, I am inviting you to. Join me in speaking the truth. Learn how to dive deep into your psychology and expose the lies that have been resulting in the violence, lack, and fear in your life. Take a moment to ponder the value of truth. How much does it matter to you? Are you willing to give your life for the truth? Are you willing to cultivate the bravery it takes to shine a light on shame? The truth isn’t sexy. It’s not always going to make you more money. It can plunge you into survival mentality for a short period of time as you begin to master the skills needed to stay rooted in the truth. Nonetheless, it is the source of life and being able to live a good life.
People who cannot feel, the sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths of this world, are often truth averse. They help breed corruption and despair in this world destroying everything and everyone in their path. You have the chance to be a champion. We need more people who are rooted in truth to take up the cause of cleaning up the darkness.
Sure, there are the “light-workers”, but that’s just part of it. I want the fearless to join me in naming what is being done behind closed doors and liberate the world we occupy with truth. Will you occupy truth with me?
If you said, “YES!” book a session with me now.
“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
Getting what you want by being yourself is metaphysical and takes more than self-help to do it.
Sometimes we let talking about things be the action we take on realizing our dreams. How many of us want more money, a good relationship, or amazing health? We go all “Self-help” about it: ask questions, sign up for programs, buy exercise equipment, read more books, and yet keep repeating the same behavior year after year.
If you read that last sentence and started to feel bad, welcome to self-help shaming. The following questions are examples of pressing pain points that keep us seeking for answers outside of ourselves:
- Are you stuck?
- Do you want a 6 figure business?
- How do you get your ex back?
- Are you dating a narcissist?
The answers are yes, yes, yes, and yes…but I can’t, shouldn’t, and I don’t know how. Then we feel like shit for feeling something about how life is being reflected back to us. It’s self-help hell.
Pause and reflect on that.
How do we get out of self-help hell?
Access a better feeling. This means your intentions and priorities are in harmony with who you are. The greatest expression of yourself comes by being responsible for who you are. A lot of don’t know how to access who we are so we just talk about what we want instead.
Having something means being responsible for the thing you have. However, the anticipation of having something can register as pleasure in the body. That means that having a relationship that works takes work. Talking about having a healthy relationship feels good in theory.
Theory is different than practice. We are entering choppy waters because the idea of being ourselves and actually being Self requires facing ourselves.
Getting married and taking vows means facing our self-imposed limitations and fears. Getting something means losing something else.
So, where does the realizing of our desires happen? How does that $50,000, healthy relationship, happy family, and strong body show up?
What clues are we given that point us in the direction of our purpose?
Feeling like a piece of shit because you are not rich like everyone else is a clue. Getting mad at all the couples showing public displays of affection is a clue. Feeling desperate to lose weight, live somewhere else, or have better sex is a clue. In short, resistance is a clue.
The thing we are not willing to look at has everything we want inside of it. Pain is not actually painful. It’s resisting pain that causes stagnation in our lives because we often choose distraction to cope with it.
In relationships it sounds like, “If he would just change then I could feel better and we would be happy.” Guess who isn’t willing to change or face themselves in this situation? You.
Pain is a message that what you want is here and waiting to be developed through relationships.
Guess how we deal with not getting what we want? We keep looking outside of ourselves to get it. We blame the relationships in our life for not performing as they “should”. Then we look at how everyone else is “doing it”. We return to mimicry as a default apparatus all the while feeling lost inside of our lives.
Talking about it, collecting information on it, and all this motion covers up the deep empty feeling that we may never be enough. So, we acquire more, get more ambitious, and spend our lives running away from ourselves.
We plug into a path and go through the motions. Then we witness how other people are “doing” on their path and start to feel envy. “Why is that asshole a millionaire?” “Why does some whore have so many followers on Instagram and I have my PhD and can’t get my business off the ground?” “Why me?” “Why not me?” “What mindset coach do I need to hire?”
The path to what you want is the same path that reveals who you are to yourself.
What does that mean? It means the path to who we are isn’t linear. It is a spiral. Another way of saying this is, “As above, so below.” “As within, so without.” In simple terms, you are not valuable unless you assume you are. Results are reflected in our relationships and results are revealed in the demonstration of faith.
I act as I am. Who I am magnetizes what I want to me. That’s faith.
This can be confusing.
So, let me say it plainly. I asked for $50,000 to show up right away. I’ve asked for that for the last 5 years. What I didn’t do was feel good about having that money. I didn’t want that kind of responsibility. 50K was met with the feeling of being exposed. Somehow, having a lot of money meant I couldn’t hide behind my habits. I would have to change some core part of me. So, I doubled down on doing the same thing–looking outside of myself for the answers.
That is where this article is coming from–I felt shame about having money so it was easier to talk about it. So, welcome to the moment of revelation.
I felt shame about everything I’ve ever had in my life which meant I was looking to be rescued from life by money, a man, or sex. The change happened when I took responsibility for what I have. I am a creative force of nature and a child of god like everyone else. So, I am god in form. That means I am responsible to realize what I already have–the ability to create my life rather than be rescued from my life.
How did the shift happen? Intelligent conversation with people anchored in love. It wasn’t done through self-help.
Self-help is meant to make you feel bad about yourself and keep you seeking for your value. It’s a treadmill.
The moment you have something means that you lose something. Having a shit ton of money also means your time will be traded in service to the inspiration. There are spiritual laws working through us and the only thing that blocks us is getting in our own way.
If you ask for something you are saying, “I’ve taken responsibility to receive and nurture my desire into experience.” Let this be the foundation of your understanding:
You don’t get what you want, you get who you are. We face ourselves in every relationship we have.
The only way to get to who you are is to have relationships. The way to getting what you want is knowing who you are. So, relationships are the path to getting what you want because they teach you who you are.
This means that we need mentors, spiritual teachers, and advocates in order to grow into our life in an intelligent way. The method to realization is conversations rooted in spiritual principles. And revelation comes when we arrive into the moment of seeing we are what we have been seeking. That’s love.
To experience deep levels of peace requires commitment to our own process. The process is what changes us. Not many of us understand this and again it takes being engaged in a conversation with someone who can offer real guidance to achieve levels of love, peace, and bliss that register as heaven on earth. Everything else is just talking about becoming someone.
Be it to have it.
Getting Down to Business
ENROLLING IN BREAKUP REHAB
Everyone breaks up,
not everyone gets Breakup Rehab
Breakup Rehab was born of the need to support individuals recovery from addiction to their last failing relationship. The mission is to uplift the person working with me. You can waste time in life and that’s not what life is for–it is to be lived and lived well!
Who Benefits from Breakup Rehab?
Having done this work for 5 years, people who are deciding to breakup/divorce and who are in transition points in their relationship get the most out of Breakup Rehab.
More specifically, a newly divorced wife who depends on wine and yoga classes to “keep it together” has a stellar chance of thriving when adding Breakup Rehab to her life (BTW she won big in the alimony round).
I don’t often work with “celebrities”. I work with creatives. Celebrity is just misnomer in my line of work. To me, I work with people who want to have an spiritual awakening and heal for real. Many of my clients come from the entertainment industry, the tech industry, and also I get some folks from the financial sector.
Individuals who work in the medical field, family law, tech, and stressful corporate jobs also find immediate relief after enrolling in Breakup Rehab.Market research is out as if this program helps hippies or not—I’m competing with rose quarts and tarot cards after all. And this isn’t some bull-shit glossy program. We go deep.
I have had the honor of working with veterans with PTSD, people coming off of heroin, meth, and other hard drugs, and youth who lost a parent. Grief is a very real right of passage in our lifetime.
I’m dedicated to my clients. I just love this process of resurrection so damn much I’m willing to put my life on the line for it. I’m willing to go to bat for my clients and make sure they know they are part of the freedom family.
The Power is in the Process:
Breakup Rehab is a 1:1 counseling program that happens over six months with one 90 minute call every other week. In that time we work on healing the hurt, remembering our power, and connecting with God as we understand her/him. The benefit of the program is simply–FREEDOM.
Who do you know that could benefit from this healing program?
Tuition is discussed in the initial consultation.
If you or a loved one is suffering from heartbreak, resentment, regret, fear, loathing, and has come to believe love isn’t possible for them—Breakup Rehab will change all of that. Sign up now because Hollywood is calling me and I’m about to have a “line out the door!”
I’m a liar, thief, cheat, bully, and manipulator. I admit it. And as I reveal that side of me, I’ve upset a lot of people. It takes a true warrior with heart to bring shadows to light, and transform them.
In the last week I have had two people respond to my social media posts by telling me, “You should not be giving relationship advice.” The first person argued that only people with PhD’s are qualified to make money as relationship counselors. The second person responded to my Facebook Live about the instinct to murder by saying in essence, “Those who need help themselves should not be relationship counselors.”
I agitate people because I say things “you are not supposed to say.” I realize that being a Breakup Specialist and charging people for counseling might seem exploitative. “You are taking advantage of people in a vulnerable position.” People who are in pain because of loss are vulnerable. People who struggle with low self worth are vulnerable. People who are hungry are vulnerable. And a primary focus of marketing, that I didn’t invent, is “put pressure on their pain point.” However, there is strength in our vulnerability and paying for help is a very vulnerable act. Investing in help changes people let alone the conversations we have that provide non-judgmental perspective.
I also recognize that I am still healing.
I have killed off my meaningful relationships time and time again.Sometimes, destroying things makes me feel alive. Does it make me less qualified as for my position as a “healer”? Maybe. But, more than this, it challenges my commitment to be transparent, stay congruent, and speak the truth.
I share all of this to say, that the first sign we are on a right path or path with heart is resistance.
We learn disapproval of our behavior early in life through parental conditioning. This then forms into survival strategies such as suppression, compartmentalization, and projection. As we grow up alongside care-givers, abusers, and teachers we practice different versions of these strategies until they turn into our identities.
It’s important to note that when you come to a crossroads in your life where you commit to a new way of being–more open, transparent, more focused, and go against what you have known; it registers as a risk. What I’ve found to be true is deep commitment to personal growth is met with both internal and external opposition. It’s as if the laws of nature are asking, “Are you sure you want this?”
As a caveat, in the western world we are programmed to think that people who have wealth are also people of virtue. In fact, they just have access to large-scale creative expression as well as massive destruction. An example of this is the oil and gas industry. As the saying goes:
“For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required,” Luke 12:48 (King James Version.)
In my life it sounds like, “You should not be doing what you are doing.” “You are dangerous.” “You are causing harm in people’s lives.” I’ve let this stop me before. I quit trusting in my own authority. And people do get hurt when we finally stop being who they have known us to be or something that doesn’t fit into the “safe” version of what we should be.
The true test isn’t in overcoming resistance, but in being persistent. Resistance only represent the end of one thing–a minor death. The true sacrifice comes when we are deliberate in our motion forward. The “can’t”, “won’t”, “shouldn’t” messages that arise both internally and externally must be met with focus and determination. It is not determination of the mind, but of the heart.
Life-force-energy congregates in this middle place. It takes energy to have your shadows exposed. Often we fail to change in the middle place and run back to what was familiar. But, if we lean into the heart, we will find the bravery to be with the transformation, and the courage to persist.
Then, there is a moment, where critical mass is reached and there is no going back. The message of the heart has found its way into the world. It may be presented as a whisper at first, but over time, with practice it becomes more consistent.
New authority is established. The journey of rebirth from a child crippled by an outgrown system gets purified through overcoming resistance, gaining life force energy by being persistent, and the heart’s full expression anchors in through consistency.
The phrase that sums this up the most is, “We are all walking each other home.” And, in my experience, it’s the ones who provide resistance that are really showing us the way to walk our path with heart. Bless the test and walk on!
Comprehending Mental Health
Is mental health a luxury?
What is mental health?
Life-coaching isn’t mental health.
Mental health is both an noun and a verb. It is also how we describe someone’s internal operating system (E-IOS). Ironically, much of mental health has to do with emotions, which are housed in the body. The field of psychology–the cross section of philosophy & biology–is where we learn how to study and treat mental health issues.
An advanced degree in the field of psychology equips an practitioner to better support individuals who have experienced rape, drug addiction, trauma, and those who suffer from mood or personality disorders. I am not a clinical mental health practitioner.
I hold a Masters in Counseling but I am not a clinical counselor not a marriage and family therapist. I am registered as a minister of the Universal Life Church . The purpose of services rendered may prove to be therapeutic but are not intended as therapy; rather as coaching, mentorship or facilitation of personal goals.
A vision-board session with a life-coach doesn’t treat mental illness. Having a better grip on how to schedule your day can be useful to a lot of people but does not help to manage OCD behavior. I can’t say this enough–LIFE COACHING IS NOT THERAPY!
Therapists are held to a code of ethics. The most prominent being that therapists have duty to keep what is shared as confidential unless the client plans on harming themselves or someone else, which then means psychotherapists have a duty to report. We cannot have dual relationships. For instance I couldn’t have my landlord as a client. There’s a long list of ethical guidelines psychotherapists must adhere to including getting supervision. Client privileges rely on the bedrock of ethical practices.
My Bias Towards Untrained Life-Coaches
The billion dollar wellness industry has a virus inside of it. There is a fine line between providing support and reinforcing disease. “Well that’s just your story.” “Do you work.” “Go inside.” Bla bla bla. Defining your goals is a mental act and the primary focus of life coaching. But, when aspects of the field of psychology are co-opted and diluted it opens the door to exacerbate anxiety & depression through subtle layers of comparison.
Humans seek completion. We like homeostasis and when we are not in that state it is due to stress. I can’t speak for everyone but when I see “have a six-figure” coaching program—it makes me feel like shit. Specifics aside, a lot of us are nervous wrecks because of the cycle of coaching programs and self-help garble that has flooded the “wellness” space. The seeking of healing can injure seeker.
Without being too philosophical about it, it comes down to everyone staying in their lane so for the sake of validity. What needs to be treated is actually being treated.
Comparison is the thief of all joy.
Clinical issues: Addiction, Abuse, Anxiety & Depression
Public figure Simon Sinek talks about millennial’s addiction to their phones and has predicted a rise in suicides & depression which we are now seeing. The suicide rate is skyrocketing with a strong correlation to social media as the catalyst.
The issue I have with untrained life coaches is that a sparkly media campaign that talks about Law of Attraction often attracts people who are in crisis. Life coaches are not trained to help people in crisis. The code of ethics specifies that psychotherapists do not practice outside of their scope or field of expertise. Yet, life-coaches, psychics, and healers often violate this ethical code and don’t refer out to a better suited practitioner.
Granted one of the skills the we learn as psychotherapists is the power of actively listening to or clients without an agenda. Is a life-coach able to do that? Yes. But what if that client talks about raping someone, or having been raped, or the intent to harm themselves? Is a “discovery call” where coaches are trained to “focus on the pain point” going to point the client in the right direction? It’s possible. But what often happens is that the life-coach has only a few tools to address a huge systemic issue and are in over their head.
It’s not that every person with a psychology degree is equipped to work with mental health clients. We can only take our clients as far as we have been ourselves. This means that the practitioner must be invested in their own help and healing. We must continue to educate ourselves so that we can know what clients we can and cannot work with.
Mental health is dynamic and cannot be managed by the tools that life-coaches use. This being said, many mental health practitioners choose to refrain from taking a licencing exam and therefore practice counseling under the umbrella of life-coaching.
What does all of this have to do with Mental Health?
The DSM is the primary resource that catalogs mental health disorders and courses of treatment. To paraphrase, a disorder is a set of behaviors that are maladaptive. There are two types of mental health disorders—personality and mood.
Anxiety and depression are the most common mood disorders. Narcissism has gotten a lot of airtime and is the most popularized personality disorder.
Disorders like schizophrenia, where people hear voices, can sometimes result in individuals killing or harming someone else because a “voice” told them to. Individuals who get an advanced degree in psychology such as a PsyD are equipped to treat people with mood and personality disorders. Life-coaches aren’t.
As a person trained as a clinician but who also incorporates psychic information into my sessions, my consent to treat form clearly states:
I understand that the purpose of services rendered may prove to be therapeutic but are not intended as therapy; rather as coaching, mentorship or facilitation of personal goals. I understand that Rebekah holds a Masters from Naropa University but is not a Licenced Psychotherapist but rather a Breakup Specialist who focuses on relationship & addiction issues.
*I am registered as an addiction counselor in the state of California.
What I offer can be labeled counseling or consulting. However, I am not a licenced psychotherapist and operate under the title of Breakup Specialist. Many people with masters have chosen to practice like this for various reasons. People seek spiritual counsel from me and I can consult on addiction issues.
As a client seeking help it is best to distinguish between if he or she needs emotional guidance or if they only need facilitation to achieve a specific goal. If anxiety, depression, addiction or abuse are a factor then working with a person with a Masters or PhD or PsyD in Counseling is the best choice. For a simple pep-talk, life-coaches are better suited.
A Note on the Origins of Life Coaching:
Thomas Leonard, an American financial planner, is generally acknowledged as the first person to develop coaching as a profession in the 1980s and the history of life coaching today really starts with him.
Leonard observed that his clients, though emotionally stable and hardly needing therapy, wanted more from him than just the usual tips on how to invest and safeguard their incomes.
They wanted help in their lives better and planning and achieving their goals.
( Retreaved September 22, 2018: https://www.lifecoachingprofessionally.com/history-of-life-coaching.html)
The Bottom Line of Mental Health
If people cannot afford my services I still offer a free session to make sure a person in need is resourced. I often charge students and past clients a fraction of my listed prices because it is important to me they are properly supported. It is ethically and morally important to me that I direct individuals towards the people that will best support them. What I have to offer isn’t always the best fit.
I also wrote the book Breakup Rehab (available on Amazon.com) to make the tools I share in my spiritually focused private practice accessible to everyone who reads (English). It is not on audio because reading this information is an important part of the therapeutic process.
The point is that therapy is good for what therapy is good for and life-coaching is good for what life-coaching is good for. Ethical practices keep clients safe. It is best to refer people to Psychology Today to find a therapist that takes insurance or best fits their needs. At the end of the day our well-being hinges on who we learn from and making sure we have the correct mentors for our life circumstances.
Thank you & Be Set Free!